Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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