I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
