I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
