um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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