Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
