It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
