How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
