You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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