Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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