literally had 100 drinks last night.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize