Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
