can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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