Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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