So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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