I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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