just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
