I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
