ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
