Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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