The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize