If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
