if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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