why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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