Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
