my sisters under your porch take her home
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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