I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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