I have demons in me.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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