he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
