I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
