He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
