Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
