They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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