I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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