i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
