The police scanner is talking about you again....
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
