At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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