No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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