I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
im holly from the hills drunk
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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