oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
