I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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