I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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