I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm bleeding and have questions
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