In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
