I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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