Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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