just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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