hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
