Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
