so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
