those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize