Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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