Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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