Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize