I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
