The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Randomize
