...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
