i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
