hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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