guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
