I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize