Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
