i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
MIDGETS
????
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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