It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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