We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize