You don't have asthma, your pregnant
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
