I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
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