11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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