thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I accidentally had phone sex last night
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
