That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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