I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
