bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
